In the aftermath of Rosie’s departure, I felt alone, abandoned. The wine numbed my thoughts but not my feelings. My first attempt was trying to drink myself to death. But it didn’t save me from the emptiness and darkness inside me. And considering that this would take too much time, as well. So I tossed all the remaining alcohol down the sink.
I had hoped it would help, but it didn’t. There was an emotional turmoil inside me. Did anyone ever suffer as much as I did? That was, at least, what I thought. My temper darkened and I became grumpy.
The worst thing was, no one noticed it. Because there was no one to notice. Rosie had left me. I had left my old life behind, my family, my friends. I was in a strange city and didn’t know anyone.
Paris, the city of love. I had to laugh at that thought. It was a mocking laugh, bitter and cynical. There was no love in this town, not for me. This made me angry. All those couples, holding hands. All those cheesy proposals in front of the Eiffel Tower.
Being alone was the greatest torture for me. I had nothing to occupy my mind, to distract me from my own misery. So I fell back to old patterns: I tried to stop being alone.
I chose the first woman based on her resemblance to Rosie. It was not her appearance, but how she moved. Something in the way she tilted her head to the side while listening to me. It showed her genuine interest in the things I said. Even when she chuckled about my silly jokes I saw Rosie’s grin.
On one hand, it scared me. Dating this strange woman was a way to stop thinking about Rosie for a while, not getting remembered. On the other hand, it was exactly what tempted me about her. Yes, she was beautiful, somehow cute. In a chaotic and awkward way. But her movements, her smile fascinated me.
We met on a Friday evening – she left on Sunday morning. We had a lot of fun. Her witty remarks made me smile. Her soft whispers by my ear made me dream of better days. Her gentle touch made me moan.
It was exactly what I needed. She occupied my mind. My thinking was reduced to a state of standby. I was living in the moment.
She made me forget Rosie for a while.
For a while, I felt good.