[…] She was not really moving; she was just laying there. I was not sure, if her breath was elevated, if any sound ever left her mouth while I was moving inside her. It was one of the rare nights I met someone with whom I slept was totally out of tune.
I was and still am convinced, you cannot say “he/she is bad in bed”. Usually, there are just three reasons for sex being perceived as bad.
Number one: The person you are having sex with is unexperienced.
Number two: You and/or your partner are/is too shy to express your/her/his wishes and expectations.
Number three: You do not harmonise with the person you are having sex with. Your kinks are not in tune.
For the first two reasons, there is one solution, as unpleasant as it might be: communication. If someone is unexperienced and is performing clumsily, talk about it. Show him/her what would feel better for you, for both of you. Be kind and patient with someone who might not be as experienced as you are. With time and practice it will be better and more satisfying for both of you.
The same goes for the second reason, even though it demands a bit more tact. Especially, when the other person is convinced, he/she is doing an amazing job touching your body. But only communication – What do you prefer? How do you prefer to experience sensuality? – will lead to a more satisfactory time.
For the third reason: There is no solution. If you two have completely different needs and kinks, there is no way you will – pun intended – come together.
This was a number three situation: We didn’t harmonise at all and so it was unsatisfactory for both of us. I had tried my best to make her felt cherished and desired. I had tried nearly every trick of my playbook. But nothing really worked.
She, however, tried nothing at all. She wanted to be served by me. This lack of reciprocity annoyed me so that I just enjoyed her body a bit. But she drowned even this little bit of joy when she suddenly asked:
“How much longer do you need to finish?” […]
[…] We did the scene in record time: Not because we didn’t enjoy making it. But because she was spontaneously invited to a birthday party while I was on my way to her for a collaboration as my girlfriend was away on a girls trip to Spain.
Because she was in such a hurry, I didn’t have enough time to set up my light equipment or freshen up after my three-hour drive. She welcomed me, explained her changed plans for the evening and so we just started with the scene in her kitchen.
Afterwards, she offered me some water and tried politely to send me away. I got the hint and left 70 minutes after I arrived. When I got home and reviewed the video, I was disappointed: The scene was bad.
She had big shadows under her eyes because she overslept and didn’t put on make-up. The neon lamp on the kitchen ceiling was bright and produced hard shadows, too.
We didn’t harmonise very well, because we didn’t have time to talk the scene through and to agree on hidden signs to communicate during our scene.
In the end, I didn’t upload the video. I never heard from her again. […]
[…] She texted me quite a long time after we had done a scene together. Her text was very aggressive and accusing me of elusive things. I was quite irritated by that and told her so. That seemed to make her even more angry than before. I got a heated text message in which she repeated her accusations. She said, she was disgusted by the video I posted shortly after our meeting. It was, so she said, unedited, it was not optimized as agreed on.
It annoyed me – because I had edited the video, as I did with every video I published. And I was very sure of it because I really liked the video and our scene. But her way of communication was so unprofessional and in no way neutral but rather personal: She started to call me a disrespectful and misogynistic man.
After that, I decided it made no sense to explain anything to her as doing so would be just a total waste of time. I told her that I deleted the video. From my homepage and from my computer. Every subsequent message I just ignored. […]